❧ If we blow through all the Greek letters before hurricane season ends, we move on to the primal scream alphabet, starting with Hurricane Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
❧ Novel way to shut up a Q-Anon conspiracy nut: pork rind & beer-flavored rawhide bones that we re-package as “Yummy Ivermectin Jerky.”
❧ The worst part for me about fighting in our second Civil War is saddle sores. The second worst part is sucking in a bunch of campfire smoke while playing my plaintive harmonica at dusk.
❧ There’s a 97 percent chance that a lackey had to follow around the previous president while playing Memory from Cats on a boom box to soothe him after he heard he fell off Forbes’ list of the richest Americans.
❧ Most people think I work in the nude right up until they catch the glare from my Saran Wrap overalls.
❧ Never in my 57 years have I seen such an absolute failure to take the parenting of our children seriously. I’m speaking, of course, of the parents of all the children who grew up to be the gullible, violent, soulless, red hat-wearing, right-wing dipshit adults in this country.
❧ The bad news: we’re all food for worms. The good news: they tell me that with a little ketchup we ain’t half bad.
❧ I’m still waiting for the release of that audiotape in which Michelle Obama uses the term “Whitey.” I hear it’s coming out any day now!
And now, our feature presentation…
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, October 14, 2021
Note: Today is the start of Rub Your Shoes On The Carpet And Then Touch Your Cat’s Nose With Your Finger season. Or as emergency rooms call it: finger reattachment season.
By the Numbers:
Days ’til the start of the 2022 Obamacare enrollment period: 18
Days ’til SoCal Taco Fest in San Diego: 9
Expected growth in the U.S. economy for 2021, versus 5.9% for the global economy, according to a new estimate by the IMF: 6%
Number of Americans who quit their jobs in August, the highest number since December of 2000, due largely to fear of the Delta variant outbreak and people moving to better-paying jobs: 4.3 million
Number of new coronavirus cases per day, the lowest 7-day average since August 2: 86,242
Number of “forever chemical” hot spots in Maine where paper mill waste and municipal sludge were used as farm fertilizer that will be investigated/cleaned up with $30 million in state money: 500
Annual output of the 1,500-year-old winery discovered in Israel and which archaeologists believe was in use for 200 years: 500,000 gallons
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Unable to restrain himself, [Speaker Newt] Gingrich also took several cheap shots at Clinton for having gone off to play golf after announcing that he wouldn’t sign a continuing budget resolution draped with extraneous matter, including a Medicare premium increase.
The idea of Clinton golfing (!) at such a time almost rendered the speaker apoplectic; the implication was that this president (a word that Gingrich manages to invest with contempt) is a lazy do-nothing.
Now, there are many things for which Clinton can be criticized, but not working hard enough is not one of them. His famous 15-hour days are a matter of both record and legend.
Puppy Pic of the Day: Peek-a-boo…
CHEERS to civility on the internets. No more laughing, no more fun, no more chewing bubble gum, DK posting has begun starting right….now.
Yes, folks, it’s true. At Daily Kos there are rules we must follow when we put fingertips to keyboard or thumbs to keypad. On Tuesday, Viceroy Faith Gardner announced that, for the first time since Chester Arthur was president, the “Rules of the Road” have been dusted off, tweaked, polished, and set back on the shelf daring you to violate them. You can read about the updates here, which as Faith says can be summed up thusly: “Don’t be a dick.” (If your name happens to be Dick, email the Help Desk and they’ll assist you in filling out a name change application and ushering it through the system down at City Hall.) Please note that pie fights, while technically frowned upon, will be considered for disciplinary action depending on the subject matter, the tone and, most important, the choice of filling.
P.S. Elfling says changes are also coming to the comments and stories. Thus bringing my 18 years of writing on my screen with a sharpie to an ignominious end.
CHEERS to mo’ money, mo’ money, mo’ money. Great news, seniors: your Social Security checks are getting beefed up next year:
The Social Security Administration announced Wednesday that recipients will receive a nearly 6 percent increase in benefits next year.
The boost in benefits, which will affect nearly 70 million people, is being fueled by a spike in inflation caused by supply chain bottlenecks, worker shortages and other economic disruptions from the Covid pandemic.
The larger checks will begin to arrive for most recipients in January.
Courtesy of your friendly DEMOCRATIC administration. Please remember that in the midterms. And good luck at Bingo tonight.
CHEERS to that guy America really, really liked. Happy 131st birthday to Dwight D. “Ike” Eisenhower, bringer-downer of the Third Reich and our 34th president. According to author Cormac O’Brien (Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents), Eisenhower loved golf and played at least 150 rounds a year during his presidency, a right he earned because he worked hard and smart and responsibly. And while the deplorables went apeshit over Hillary Clinton’s brief bout of pneumonia in 2016, they say nothing about Ike’s heart attacks, his intestinal affliction known as ileitis (a cousin of Crohn’s disease), and his 1957 cerebral occlusion during which he terrified wife Mamie by “stuttering a bunch of incoherent words” and then “pounding his fists in frustration at not being able to enunciate his own thoughts.” Then there’s this:
His domestic agenda bore a striking resemblance to those of his Democratic predecessors.
He expanded Social Security and spent lavishly on public works projects such as the interstate highway system. Though mostly silent on issues of race, he intervened forcefully to support the desegregation of schools in Little Rock, Arkansas [and signed into law the first civil rights bill in 82 years].
He was also just as disgusted as Harry Truman had been by Senator Joe McCarthy’s rabid anticommunism rabble-rousing.
Plus he famously had a few harsh words for our out-of-control military-industrial complex. Pay your respects here. And once more, for old time’s sake: Sieg heil! [Thppt!] Heil! [Thppt!] right in der Fuhrer’s face.
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
CHEERS to going where no Federation starship captain has gone before. The cynics had a field day not caring about William Shatner’s Blue Origin flight to the tippy-top (or thereabouts) of the earth’s atmosphere yesterday. But I’m telling you right now that, based on his initial comments upon landing, he’s going to become a hell of a spokesman for protecting our planet. Still can’t believe he’s 90:
Okay. Seat’s warm, Mark Hamill. Get yer lightsaber and hop in.
JEERS to Democratic brain farts we’d like to forget. 116 years ago today, in 1905, former president Grover Cleveland wrote an article for Ladies Home Journal opposing women’s voting rights. His words:
“We all know how much further women go than men in their social rivalries and jealousies…sensible and responsible women do not want to vote. The relative positions to be assumed by men and women in the working out of our civilization were assigned long ago by a higher intelligence.”
I believe the relative position of his wife’s rolling pin that night was right between his eyes.
Ten years ago in C&J: October 14, 2011
RAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! to the fist-bump heard round the world. In lower Manhattan this morning, cheers of victory and relief after Mayor Bloomberg and the caretakers of Zuccotti Park called off the eviction of the Occupy Wall Street protesters. Meanwhile, at 6:45 this morning I turned on MSNBC to get some intelligent information and analysis from the crew whose job it is to provide it, and this is the first thing I heard:
“If they could drag them out and beat them, they would.”
That was host Joe Scarborough thoughtfully explaining what the protesters want to do to rich people. So to summarize the current conservative line: Occupy Wall Street is a bunch of lazy, marijuana-smoking, peace-sign-flashing slackers who want to advance their non-violent movement by breaking into people’s homes, dragging them into the street, and beating the shit out of them. And we woulda gotten away with it, too, if not for those meddling pundits.
And just one more…
CHEERS to home sweet home. Livability is out with its 2021 list of the Top 100 Best Places to Live. The top ten are populated mostly by 100k+ cities like Madison WI, Ann Arbor MI, Overland Park KS, and Hillsboro OR. But this humble Maine fishing hamlet of only 66,000 on the northeast Atlantic coast checks in at a respectable #44:
You know it for its lobster and lighthouses, but Portland, ME isn’t just a picturesque place to visit. It’s a phenomenal place to live thanks to its robust economy, where sociable self-starters are fueling a creative renaissance and joining tech and health care companies. Local islands and beaches, cobblestone streets and whoopie pies (they’re big here!) sweeten the deal.
Explore the local beaches, whether it’s a picnic at Crescent Beach, surfing at Higgins, spotting seals at East End Beach or kayaking at Pine Point Beach. Eight distinctive beaches are near Portland.
If you’re an entrepreneur or self-employed, you’ll have resources galore here, from a bevy of professional groups to coworking spaces to private investors interested in mentoring and investing in early-stage companies.
Sounds good to me. Then again, I’ve only lived here for 28 blissful years. More study is needed.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial
”I Know This Is Your Favorite Topic”: Jen Psaki Quips at NY Post Reporter’s Question About Bill in Portland Maine’s Cheers and Jeers